Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The Waiting Game.

I often find myself telling people that everything is going to be fine. I explain that fate has brought them to a certain point in their life (maybe an incredibly challenging point) for a reason. I tell them that in the end their lives will be pieced together perfectly, whatever that may mean for them. I truly believe this. It will all work out. I’m just not so sure I will be included in this happiness, because I’m different. Sometimes I feel as though the universe is conspiring against me.

For some reason the universe does not want to make me happy, not now anyway, and definitely not so easily, hastily. I feel like boys are not interested in girls like me. Girls like me that are serious and completely dateable. Girls like me that don’t seem to really have any sort of character flaws, which is oftentimes intimidating (or so I’m told). Girls like me that are perfectly aware they would make fabulous companions. Instead, the few boys I have deemed fantastic enough to think about them as more than a friend are wasting their time on dead end relationships with girls that will never change. These same girls have set a new standard for us twentysomethings. This "innovative" lifestyle is filled with beer pong and sex, instead of faith, trust and good old fanshioned conversations about life. The worst part about it all is that these guys are okay with becoming intoxicated and being with said girls. They are inebriated with the very idea that girls have become this easy.

The fact that our generation of supposed men are so jaded is beyond disheartening. I don’t know where I am going to be left because of the way things have become, because of the way I am. I realize being alone, being single, isn’t the end of the world, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with someone. I deserve to be with someone just as much as the next kid. So, what gives? Where does this all leave me?

I always wonder how people fall into love. Not in love, but into it. I’d hate to buy into those fallacies everyone tries to shove down my throat. As soon as I’m not looking it’s going to happen. I am meant to be alone at this point in my life. What? Why? How come everyone else can go on dating and enjoying their youth and I am stuck here in my own head with all these thoughts crowding my well being. They are crowding my ability to be happily brainwashed.

I don't want to be brainwashed. I want to be just right. I am just right. And so, I wait.