an old soul tryin' to figure out this world

"Little Miss Sunshine"

2008-12-05T23:29:00.000-08:00

The awkward little girl inside holds her back,
She makes her think of all the things she used to lack.

All the other children used to chuckle,
But nobody saved her, or raised a knuckle.

Twenty one years later here she is,
Supposedly gorgeous and an English wiz,

Her real eyes don't realize,
All they know is long night cries...

She's not listening to you now or ever,
Even if your poetry is quite clever.

Amazing her loved ones are,
But sometimes they seem so far.
Of course they care,
It's all she can ask for that's fair...

At the end of the day she is all alone,
Without a soul to call on the phone.
Her burdens are hers to bear solely.
And that is precisely why she always feels so lowly.

Continuously she is one,
Even if her soul radiates as bright as the sun.

Wanted.

2008-11-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

The thought of his warm hands
on my waist
rocks me to sleep,
night after night.
He touches me with such conviction,
Gives me such great comfort
Makes me feel worthy,
wanted.

Haiku.

2008-11-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

To write a poem,
Is to kiss your thirsty lips:
For you are my Muse.

Secretos.

2008-11-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

An Elegy by:
Theressa Nicole Giammarco

Cuerpos calientes,
Intertwined, melting
Between cool sheets.

Creating,
Coiling into crisscrosses.

Senses continue intensifying,
Unrestricted, smooth, stripped Flesh.
Aching for bodies to mold closer,
Convert into one.

Easing exactly into every secret.
Inhaling your love wholly.

Toes go numb.
Existing with you,
Is all I desire.

This is my sanctuary.

Sanctuary.

2008-10-21T13:59:00.001-07:00

Warm bodies
melting
between cool sheets.
Senses heightened.
Free,
smooth,
naked Flesh.
All in my sanctuary.

The Uncertainty of the Boom

2008-10-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

Fiction by: Theressa Nicole Giammarco

I can’t do this. Sophie thought to herself as she stepped out of the green taxi. The color was all too haunting. It looked just like the one Sophie had been in that night after leaving the club. She felt the goose bumps spread all across her tanned flesh as her mind wandered to all the things she had been trying to escape. Her long black dress got tangled and caught in the door as she avoided stepping on the gravestones below her feet. She was alone today, seeing as her mother could not bear even another ounce of heartbreak or tragedy without a serious nervous breakdown. Sophie’s eyes were swollen, nearly shut, and her chestnut hair resembled a bird’s nest. She had been sobbing for hours. It was finally time to say goodbye.

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Sophie! We’re all having such a great time,” Jane slurred a little as she screamed over the boom boom of the music.
“We aren’t even supposed to be here, Jane. You know that I can’t drink. And look at how wasted Nicole is!” Sophie made it very clear that she was disappointed with a straight face and slight roll of her piercing green eyes.
She could not bear to see her two seventeen-year-old peers make fools of themselves, yet again, so she decided to hail a cab to take herself home. She thought that everything they had been through, the trifecta they called themselves, they would be hailing that cab together. Before she left, she warned Jane to keep an eye on Nicole. She insisted they sober up before they got in her crappy Camaro to head back to Nicole’s house, which was directly across the street from Sophie’s.
Although Nicole’s parents were not very strict with curfews, they would not be very happy if their underage high-schooler turned up shit-faced at two in the morning.
“Nicole?” Jane questioned impatiently through the boom boom in her head. “I need my keys now. It’s three. I need to get the both of us home, ASAP!”
“Keys?” Nicole retorted back, laughing hysterically.
Her mascara was smudged around her black eyes, creating a raccoon-like illusion and her black dress was hiked up a little bit further than class would call for. At this point, she was only wearing one heel. The other one was lost in the abyss.
“You’re kidding, right? I’m serious. I need my keys. We both need to go home. There are some seriously shady men in the corner eye-balling us like we’re big juicy steaks or something…and I have the worst headache from drinking…” she sort of trailed off as she looked around the nearly empty makeshift dance floor in the dim, unsettling room.
“I ain’t got your keyssssss…” Her s’s hissed for ages as she nearly fell off a barstool.
“Whatever, Nicole, we don’t have time for this right now. Stay here while I hail a Green Cab. We’ll just grab the Camaro in the morning. Nobody will want to steal that piece of crap anyway. Plus, Sophie will be glad I didn’t drive home after drinking.”

Boom, boom, boom. Sophie was instantly awakened from her deep slumber. What the hell is that? She thought to herself as she sat up in bed. The alarm clock was blinking red, 4:30, 4:30, 4:30, and it burned a horrible image into her tired retinas. Boom, boom, boom.
She knew the sleep habits of her mother, and that she would have to be the one that hopped out of bed and trekked down the stairs in the morning gloom.
“Who is it?” she screamed from the other side of the yellow door.
“It’s the police, open up miss.”
She opened the door hesitantly and was immediately overwhelmed by the mixture of morning fog and the flashing red and blue lights. It seemed very patriotic, in a creepy way.
The officer, a heavy-set blonde female, brought her back to this world again as she uttered, “Miss, I’m sorry to let you know that your neighbor has been in an accident. Mrs. Valasquez couldn’t bear to come over here herself, so she asked us if I’d speak with you.”

Before she could finish Sophie had collapsed. She was having another episode.
“Somebody call 911!” Sophie heard her mother screaming. She sounded so far away.

“Mom? What happened?” Sophie whispered as she opened her eyes from the hospital bed. The boom boom in her mind was consuming her entire being.
“You had another attack, cupcake, but you’re alright now.”
“But, that doesn’t make any sense. I thought the doctors decided that my episodes only came along when something traumatic happens to me…when my brain can no longer process the information, the pain..” The words exploded out of her mouth so quickly that they were hardly distinguishable.
“Honey, I’m so sorry.”
“For what, mom? I don’t understand. What is going on? Please tell me what you’re talking about.” She sounded very frantic, frustrated even.
“It’s Jane and Nicole.” Boom. Boom.
“Jane and Nicole, what? What happened? Please tell me they didn’t get arrested for D.U.I.” Her words continued to flow out in a steady beat: boom, boom.
“No, baby, they got into a really bad car accident. They hailed a cab home and were hit head-on by a drunk driver. We lost both of them.” Her mother’s words hit her one by one, each a separate, painful dagger.
Sophie did not know if it would be worse to have been with them last night, or to be without them that horrible morning.

She remembered vividly the night she got into an accident with her dad. He usually made her sit in the back seat, joking that he didn’t want her petite, 110-pound body to ever be injured in an accident. But, everyone knows there is a little truth in every joke.
Sophie had been having episodes since she was younger and any more pressure on her brain could be seriously life-threatening. That night, she sat in the front because it was her twelfth birthday. Her dad took her to their favorite Italian restaurant to catch up, just the two of them. They had not seen much of each other since he was forced to take on more and more hours at the family business. He hated himself for this and his daughter saw it written all over his face.

Boom, boom, boom. Before Sophie realized what was happening, what had just happened, it was all over. The car had flipped upside down and she was trapped by her seat belt. Her body was limp and numb and would not allow her to speak. She could see her father, breathing lightly, but could not utter as much as a word to save her own life. She had since blocked the bloody images of that accident and moved a long way in five years from having the incapacitating episodes.

Sophie laid there in the stale hospital bed for weeks after she heard about Jane and Nicole. She could not bring herself to do much more than just stare at the ceiling. She did not move, eat or speak. With this time she allowed herself to grieve. Her tears were relentless and continued to bring on episodes.
But, every so often she allowed herself to think about no longer being the passive passenger in her life. She wanted to take control of the wheel, the wheel that had steered her life into so many unfair downward spirals. As good as this all sounded, she was unsure of how these thoughts of hope were going to manifest into action. She knew the days to come would hold more and more uncertainty. But, such is life.

Chloe.

2008-09-15T23:58:00.001-07:00

As we lay there in the dark, I understood;
Suddenly it was all that easy.
Something about the way he was holding me was so comforting.
I was in his big, strong arms; the ones that never cease at making me feel safe.
And as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear I felt so grounded.
He did not know I could hear him, but in my half-asleep state I was struggling to catch every last bit.
He was pouring out his heart to me;
And that is something I knew was more difficult for him than anything else in this strange world.
He started out by telling me I was beautiful;
And instantly the tears swelled up in my eyes.
You could tell by the wavering passion in his voice that this was not any sort of ordinary statement.
I nearly choked on the knot that was building up inside my throat.
He continued about how he could see the future;
How he could see us falling asleep night after night together, "just like this."
I could not control the butterflies inside my stomach.
I agreed more than I ever had before with everything he was saying.
I was no longer afraid of how I felt for this man.
I wanted to turn around and reassure him, but I kept quiet instead.
I was, of course, curious about the rest of what he had to say, so I let him finish:
"It's the moments like this" he said, "I live for."
He confessed to me how strong his feelings were;
And told me that someday I would understand.
Little did he know I had felt the most comfortable in those few moments than I had anywhere with anyone for months...
I do not remember falling asleep.
But I do remember that before he left he kissed my forhead;
Then he lowered his mouth close to my ear and whispered, "I love you Chloe."

I wish (for) you(,) Love.

2008-09-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

I'm brilliant, and always have been. I'm far more mature than your average 21 year old. I feel like my mind has developed vastly beyond my years. I'm passionate about the things I love; my friends&family, my writing&photography. For me, mediocrity has never been an option. I always strive for the best. Although life can be incredibly challenging, there is no doubt in my mind that I will be successful. You gotta roll with the punches, right? Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. People walk into my life and in turn will walk out on me, and I'll strive to accept them as they come or go. Even so, anybody is a fool for losing me. I love with my whole heart even if it might mean more pain for me in the long run. Perhaps I'm a hopeless romantic. No matter, because I'm going places. I'm creating new atmosphere and gaining inconceivable knowledge, wisdom and insight on the way. I know it might all seem a bit dramatic, but I am here to gain as much as I can from this world. From this lifetime so graciously bestowed upon me. I'm different from the others, a lot different. Most of you won't understand. I can only hope with all the faith I am able muster in my body that another finds me whom is distinctly dissimilar from the rest of our jaded generation. You can love me or leave me...ultimately, it's your decision.

The Waiting Game.

2008-09-02T14:24:00.000-07:00

I often find myself telling people that everything is going to be fine. I explain that fate has brought them to a certain point in their life (maybe an incredibly challenging point) for a reason. I tell them that in the end their lives will be pieced together perfectly, whatever that may mean for them. I truly believe this. It will all work out. I’m just not so sure I will be included in this happiness, because I’m different. Sometimes I feel as though the universe is conspiring against me.

For some reason the universe does not want to make me happy, not now anyway, and definitely not so easily, hastily. I feel like boys are not interested in girls like me. Girls like me that are serious and completely dateable. Girls like me that don’t seem to really have any sort of character flaws, which is oftentimes intimidating (or so I’m told). Girls like me that are perfectly aware they would make fabulous companions. Instead, the few boys I have deemed fantastic enough to think about them as more than a friend are wasting their time on dead end relationships with girls that will never change. These same girls have set a new standard for us twentysomethings. This "innovative" lifestyle is filled with beer pong and sex, instead of faith, trust and good old fanshioned conversations about life. The worst part about it all is that these guys are okay with becoming intoxicated and being with said girls. They are inebriated with the very idea that girls have become this easy.

The fact that our generation of supposed men are so jaded is beyond disheartening. I don’t know where I am going to be left because of the way things have become, because of the way I am. I realize being alone, being single, isn’t the end of the world, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with someone. I deserve to be with someone just as much as the next kid. So, what gives? Where does this all leave me?

I always wonder how people fall into love. Not in love, but into it. I’d hate to buy into those fallacies everyone tries to shove down my throat. As soon as I’m not looking it’s going to happen. I am meant to be alone at this point in my life. What? Why? How come everyone else can go on dating and enjoying their youth and I am stuck here in my own head with all these thoughts crowding my well being. They are crowding my ability to be happily brainwashed.

I don't want to be brainwashed. I want to be just right. I am just right. And so, I wait.